.

-DON'T READ THIS. IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. JUST MY INNER THOUGHT BEING SAID OUT LOUD-

I don't know what I am thinking. My mouth is shut but I can feel the wave of everything in my mind. It is like a "gumpalan benang yang berserabut bila terlampau panjang". Yes, that is how I describe how my mind is. And everytime I want to think about something, it is like pulling a strand from the mess. It must be pulled carefully. Most of the time, I am tired of thinking you know. Because I never stop thinking. My friends say, "don't overthink". But how do I know when and which part to stop!!!

I am easily pleased. Mudah ambil hati bila orang buat sesuatu, tapi mudah cool down juga. So, does this mean people can do what they want with me because I forgive easily? Haha i forgive but I never forget. Pastu bila terasa, diam sediam diamnya, eh tetiba lepas tu okay balik. Hahaha. Entahlah ni berdendam ke? Tak berdendam pun, cuma entahlah tak tahu nak cakap apa. Apalah yang aku rant ni. Aduhaiii maybe ni salah satu cara aku figure out apa aku fikir kot. Nak sort out one by one.

Tadi aku menangis baca al-Mathurat. I don't know where to rant. I have diary but I am too lazy to take it and write out in handwriting. Nanti teradmire tulisan sendiri, end up baca satu diari tu. Ni pun tengah distracted. Aku buka laptop sebab nak buat past year! Hahaha apa ni.

Aku mudah terhibur even dengan lawak sendiri. Bahagia bila Syaz dah balik dari Malaysia because I think everyday she made my day. I laugh more and I EAT MORE!  (Harap harap bila dia baca ni, bertambah lah dia buat aku bahagia hahaha kbye Syaz).

Kan dah cakap jangan baca. Ni hanya bebelan yang  tak ada correlation. Just me and my thought. Love me please for whatever my ups and downs. And I am very grateful for the one who stays with me eventhough dia tahu je aku banyak flaws. Contohnya Syaz. Ni budak tak pernah penat layan aku. Kadang-kadang dia bebel sebab aku degil tapi akhirnya dia juga yang buat aku gelak.

Precious Experience

I want to share something so precious!!!! Semalam when I opened my al-Quran after I prayed, the first tafsir which I read said ;

Sebak sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat sebab saya tengah struggle with lots of things masa tu. Dengan coursework programming yang memang rasa serabut nak buat. Rasa zappp dalam hati. Allah dah kata Dia akan tolong kita. Dia akan tolong. Percaya janji Allah please, Zaimin :)

Itu kes siang. Ada perkara lagi satu yang happen waktu malam. Saya dah siap coursework dan nak print sebab coursework ni kena hantar hardcopy. Sekali masa nak print, ada masalah. Banyak kali printing tapi hanya blank page yang keluar. I am really frustrated, sad, mengantuk, stress and so on. Alhamdulillah housemate sudi nak menanggung masalah ni sekali (Baik betul dia). Dia tolong tengok-tengokkan apa yang patut. 2 jam saya tunggu printing ni tak berjaya. Dah try every possible method. Guna laptop kawan dan lain-lain. Masa tu saya belum solat isyak so saya kata kat dia "maybe problem ni timbul sebab aku belum solat Isyak kot..." And I promised to Allah I will read two pages of Al-Quran when this printing succeeded. Tapi tak berjaya juga. So, saya decide nak pergi solat Isyak. I really really really want His help. I really do. Saya tak tahu apa masalah printer tu. Sebab, sebelum tu okay saja bila print. I doa really hard lepas solat even I think the situation with the printer is impossible nak settle dah. But, I know Allah can make everything happens anytime. 

And guess what? Lepas saya solat, saya pergi bilik sebelah dan kertas coursework saya dah tersedia elok atas katil kawan saya. Dia berjaya tolong printkan. Dia kata dia terbuka hati nak tukar ink printer. (Kami berdua never expect ink habis sebab baru tukar ink dan sebelum tu masa print, okay saja).

Huwaaaa! I am speechless. I fell in love with Allah. 

Pengajarannya, utamakan solat. Utamakan apa yang patut diutamakan. Even solat isyak pun. 

Ask Allah. 

Ask Him.

Lagi satu, masa baru dapat coursework programming ni, saya memang blur langsung nak kena buat apa. Saya hanya mampu doa supaya Allah hantar kawan kawan yang sudi nak bantu saya,yang tak bosan bila saya tanya banyak-banyak, dan hantar kawan-kawan yang baik.

And now, lepas submission, I realized that,throughout this programming coursework, saya dapat ramai kawan baru. Classmate yang saya tak pernah bercakap sebelum ni, jadi mula bercakap sebab kami bincang/tanya sesama sendiri apa sebenarnya kes coursework ni.

How could I not fall in love with HIM?

How can we say our heart is someone's?  

Our heart is not ours at the first place.

Hati kita ni Allah bagi pinjam untuk kita guna elok-elok.

This should be a reminder for me when I need this later.

Please remind me of this when saya di jurang putus asa.

Book Review : Do No Harm by Henry Marsh

Fuh akhirnya habis juga baca buku pasal neurosurgery. Neurosurgery tu apa? Surgery yang melibatkan otak.

Ada part yang ngeri, ada part berdebar, but at least I learnt new vocabularies about brain parts, and I learnt that surgeons also have their nervousness and uncertainty every time there are going to do an operation on their patient. For brain surgery, it is a matter of life and death and it is quite rare to see a risky operation to be so successful that no damage is done to the nerve on the face. Maybe the patients' face would be paralysed, they will become deaf, and many more consequences. However, no matter how bad the consequences are, sometimes the patients are willing to face it as long as they can still be alive. Even they know that they will have the risk of being in vegetative state if the operations went wrong.

Great surgeons learnt through lots of experiences and failures. Even to the extend of the death of their patients. Emotional detachments from the patients should be exercised, but human being, cannot escape it completely. When we see the patients for many years, with recurring cases, automatically the attachments would be there.

So, appreciate the surgeons, guys. They get paid high because they are doing a high risk job. 👍

Do No Harm by Henry Marsh

People with an interest in neurosurgery are recommended to read this book. I am more interested to learn about human psychology instead of the physical task of the brain parts.

New vocabularies

1. Cranial nerve-The cranial nerves are 12 pairs of nerves that can be seen on the ventral (bottom) surface of the brain. Some of these nerves bring information from the sense organs to the brain; other cranial nerves control muscles; other cranial nerves are connected to glands or internal organs such as the heart and lungs.

2. Embolized

3. Basilar artery-The basilar artery is part of the blood supply system for the brain and central nervous system. It is formed where the two vertebral arteries join at the base of the skull. The basilar artery carries oxygenated blood to the cerebellum, brainstem, and occipital lobes.

List of cranial nerve

Basilar artery

Sebenarnya banyak lagi term term penyakit berkaitan otak ni. Tapi complicated lidah nak sebut so tak ingat. 😂  At least tiga yang saya listkan tu, yang basic untuk saya rakyat marhaen ni ingat.